Vital Balance: Projections

Curiously, the qualities we value most in others, and we look for in a partner, are also the characteristics that show those for which we feel threatened. Therefore, relationships represent the opportunity to make aware and bring to light the attributes we repress, reject or do not want to see in us and, added to the components of personality, make us more complete individuals, showing us, their The potential of what can become; of one’s own greatness.

Conjugal equilibrium depends on the balance between the male and female halves of the individual psyche. The other is sought in that which is not consciously expressed, but also tends to detest what can not be expressed.

In each relationship, the opportunity arises to integrate or balance the two opposites internally, contributing a new center and vital meaning to the person. In alchemical symbology, this communion or wedding is preceded by darkness and death before obtaining the distillation of the elixir, for the accompanying darkness is only equaled by the glow of the gold it promises.

The projection is an elaborate disguise that we use to externalize fully what torments us and that seems guilty of the other, without considering that these effects are the direct materialization of our own needs and conflicts.

At first, we know a lot about others, since we are so sensitive to the subliminal signs that they provide us in a thousand ways, as are the lower realms of nature to the subtle signs of their environment. These are intuitive perceptions that do not usually please if the internal needs contradict the conscious ideal of what the other should be, since similar tastes generate an attractive bond.

The fact that a person turns out to be different after time, is not the result of bad luck or karma, but a deliberate internal choice that was made in the beginning.

Although in the first instance it is difficult to understand how an individual can choose a partner that will hurt him, disappoint him or limit, it is not so complicated to understand that a person is his own enemy and that reasons, unconscious for her, drag her to That situation, being the choice of the partner a reflection of this struggle. It is not the conscious personality who is hurt and hurt by being able to physically or psychically destroy the person, but the forces of the unconscious. And almost nobody wants to consider that in his psyche there exists that which he so rejects. Neither can he readily admit that his judgment may be wrong or that some “defects” are constructive or helpful in balancing or integrating parts of itself.

The common denominator of these expressions is often to avoid the truth that only a deep and true contact provides and unveils at all levels, replacing it with a merely physical or emotional one that sets the mask even more. It is a way of protecting oneself against the dangers of dependency or vulnerability, but also of blocking and stopping one’s own expansion and / or evolution by imprisoning the individual in jail for his projections. Which is ideal not to establish a significant commitment by avoiding the effort and responsibility of a fully conscious union of one’s own psyche, since there is a Turkish head to blame.

Responsibility acceptance needed to understand is not the “mea culpa” type, but a recognition that human mind may have more power over external circumstances than is normally admitted.


I think you are proyecting


Since the personality´s point of view, this mechanism is depressing, leading to believe there is something in the individual psyche (a tare, a divine punishment, a perversion or a disability) that prevents being happy in each union. But it will only be if you look out of context. What really implies is that it is not possible to be happy in a union unless it is based on values other than the current and superficial, such as appearance, status, emotional dependence and social pressure, since these contain the Seeds of failure, because it emphasizes the formal structure against the internal exchange it symbolizes. In the long run, what is sought is integration and fullness rather than depending on another person who serves as the center of psychic life. The inner tendency aspires to understand the deeper levels of union, the psychic fact symbolized by marriage and the true relationship that arises from two people who have their own centers and who are therefore free to choose.

Until this is not understood, situations of pain, limitation, restriction and rejection are frequent, as well as a great number of conversations that revolve around giving, since there will always be those who interpret the role of martyr. However, it is often discovered that the individual who complains about having given much or having given himself in full receiving little in return or not being valued as he thought he deserved has actually given very little without any condition, since he has both Afraid to be alone as to be hurt, so try to follow both impulses by establishing relationships in which your inner self does not come into play. The common thing is to try to overcompensate and instead of being the victim of abandonment, become a hunter par excellence, regardless of sex, giving the impression of being a hard and tanned person. This is not usually the true nature, but rather a frequent mask, because in reality, it is morbidly sensitive under his armor, so that the person tries to be covered rather than risking to experience the pain of a bond that may end in a future rejection . In sacrificing the love of security, which is what the person understands by obligation, he considers that he has made an advantageous choice until he realizes the high price of his sacrifice, realizing that he can not get rid of the situation by taking on the debt aspect .

When you make the couple something material, they usually pay more expensive than intended. This happens when the inclination to the truth is blocked and the elimination of illusory values, for there is no need to speak of hell after death when the interior winter of solitude has been seen, which is what accompanies this distortion.

If the past knocks at your door insistently, perhaps you should consider what dark parts of your psyche want to crawl into the light and still project into that person. The internalization allows to unlock that paralyzing fear that lulls in the comfort zone as a procasting strategy.

Events and direct contacts with others are part of the process of self-discovery. And that the partner becomes a source of suffering or a great opportunity to grow together, it is a personal choice that only depends on the individual, as long as this one knows that he can choose. If he does not, his suffering will not be the result of karma or bad luck, simply, of his ignorance.

The orderly beauty of life does not seem to imply that accidental and senseless suffering is part of that order, and every human being in his inner forum craves the truth, but the fear that he presents to this internal motivation leads to catastrophe, That this implacable search threatens his most precious illusions, obviating that it is possible to find a virtuous midpoint in the freshness that liberation and growth bestow, without falling into the castrating bitterness of a grievous reality or the extreme idealization of the deceptive fantasy.

Each barrier, every fear, every block, will vary from one individual to another, and until we dare to cross the darkness of our psyche, we will not be able to stumble against the wall, know where it is and knock it down.

To BE and FEEL freely; In such a genuine and genuine way, as balanced and fluid, as committed and responsible, as profound and vital.


Dácil Rodríguez, author of ¡Una vida, por favor! – A life, please! (only Spanish)

And, ¿Dónde está el hombre de mi vida? – Where is the man of my life? (only Spanish)

Copyright © Dácil Rodríguez –  All rights reserved